mindfulness, depression, yoga, mental health, finding a way

Our Superstar this Sunday is one of our very own teachers, Tracey Moore Lukkarila. Tracey has done something amazing this year. She wrote and had her book, 100 Days of Mindfulness, published!!! We could not be more proud or excited to highlight her today. Continue reading to find out what inspired Tracey to write her book and how she chooses to live mindfully each day.

– What inspired you to write 100 Days of Mindfulness?

Two years ago, I had an episode of depression that took 10 months of incredible hard work to get under control. During that time I voraciously read self-help books and attended intensive group therapy and support groups. Needless to say, I tried a lot of different things to get well. Of everything I tried, yoga and mindfulness are the techniques that stuck with me. A perfect complement to yoga, I use the mindfulness techniques in my journal every day, several times of day. They are easy, simplistic, but effective. That was key for me. Depression robs you of motivation and energy, so you need simple. Over those two years, I met so many people who felt defeated. I wanted to help, so I started making journals for fellow patients. This challenged me to grow my daily mindfulness practice and I realized I had a journal I could publish.

– What do you hope for your readers to walk away with?
The biggest awareness I’ve learned from this experience is that I overcomplicate things, make my life much harder than it has to be. These little touchpoints to life in the present moment have opened me up to experience things more fully. My relationships have improved and I find pleasure in simple things more often. I even look at problems differently, seeing them for what they are, not what I imagine they are, which has led to better solutions. Life is simply easier. I hope my readers find the journal helpful, and if not, that they find what works for them. I think we can all use a bit more ease in our lives.


-How do you create presence in your life?
With 100 Days of Mindfulness! But seriously, I really do use the techniques in my journal. I have made a huge shift in my life to be more connected with others and to live a values-based life with gratitude. It all starts with being here, right now, out of my head, in my body. From there, I can choose what to do next rather than not noticing life pass by while I stew on my thoughts. That’s really powerful.

You can purchase 100 Days of Mindfulness at Hot Spot Power Yoga or on Amazon.…/…/B01KG0KBQG

It’s time to live in the present! Simply stated, mindfulness is the practice of living in the present. It’s choosing to focus on the here and now but without getting swept…


Book Cover

Announcing My New Book!!

I’m so excited to share that my book is finally in production! It’s been over a year in the making. See the free book sample.

The eBook version is available now for purchase, and the paperback version will be available September 15, 2016.

You can reserve your paperback copy on Amazon right now. By reserving your copy now, you help me build up my pre-orders and increase my standing on Amazon.

I created this book from top to bottom, text, layout and design — even down to drawing the mandala on the front cover! It’s been a great adventure! I hope you’ll consider buying a copy for yourself. And if you like the book, please post a review on Amazon! With your purchase, receive “100 Days of Shift” – a weekly plan for positive changes in diet, fitness, and more mindfulness.

Continue reading


“Soft Focus Tulip” Oil, 2002, by the author

Since “coming out” as a person with depression, a lot of people have confided in me that they or someone they love is depressed. Often the question is, “what do I do?”  My answer is perhaps very different from what I’ve seen on the Internet. I don’t recommend starting with self-help, I tell them to start with professional help.

Before I hospitalized myself in 2014, I was on a slow path downward for many years. I wanted to shake my depression myself. I hated the thought of taking medication. Continue reading

48I had grown tired of the corporate grind. I believed I was destined for something bigger, something more altruistic. The problem was money. Working for a nonprofit doesn’t pay much. I have no relatives to leave me a little nest egg one day. I’d watched my mom live on social security and a tiny pension and no savings. It wasn’t how I wanted to spend my retirement. So I got to work saving money like crazy but found myself depressed instead.

Continue reading

2014_Tracey_TheZinger_peekingOverLooking back on my outpatient therapy materials, one symptom of depression that appears a lot is rumination. When I looked up the word “rumination” on, the definition didn’t sound so bad – “to meditate or muse; ponder.” This is a far cry from what we depressives do. Interestingly, the farm definition fit better “to chew again or over and over.” Yep, that’s my curse. I run the same damn thoughts over and over in my mind, looking for a resolution that never comes. They drive me CRAZY.

Continue reading

Every doctor I’ve ever had has asked me to track my mood and symptoms. I bet you’re getting the same request. I’ve created a lot of different ways to track my mood, used phone apps and websites, and I’ve found simple and easy is the only way I’ll keep with it and use it every day.

So here it is…my easy-to-use mood tracker. Enjoy!


Update 3/21/2017: As I reread this post I am struck by the difference a year has made. I still get suicide thoughts when I have a depression episode, but gratefully, thankfully, that isn’t happening very frequently – maybe a week out of 2-3 months, which means months of mood stability. It’s an amazing relief to be able to write these words. I also think I failed to fully express the gift these thoughts have given me, so I’ve rewritten the last paragraph. Enjoy!

I wrote the original post on February 11, 2016


Photo courtesy of my husband Troy Lukkarila

For a year and half, I’ve had suicide thoughts. They descended upon me like a terrible flu, causing me to fear for my life (which I suppose is appropriate since they’re suicide thoughts! ) I have had depression my whole life, been hospitalized twice. Throughout years of therapy and medication, I never felt I wanted to die. Sleep for long periods of time yes, but not death.  In fact, I was absolutely terrified of death.

As a young person, I was only a little afraid of death. I did worry my priest Father Larkin might be wrong about God and the afterlife, so that was a concern. But I was young. Old age and death seemed a long way away. I had plenty of time before I had to worry about such things. Then bam! I turned 40.

Continue reading


“Echinacea” 2002, Oil, Tracey Moore Lukkarila

I wrote this on February 10, 2016, a day after writing Bad Head Comes and Goes.

What a difference one day makes. Yesterday I was still in my bad head, albeit on my way out. Today, I’m feeling good.   I knew my mood had switched as I drove into work. My thoughts were about my work with LGBT equality and questioning whether I was doing enough. My bad head voice would respond “don’t bother, there’s no point in life anyway,” or “your illness makes you ineffective.” But this morning, bad head was nowhere to be found. Instead, the immediate response came from sane head “you already do plenty. You model non-judgmental behavior and challenge others to do the same. That’s your purpose.”

(Ah, thank you sane head. How I do love you.  So glad you’ve come to visit. I hope you’ll stay a while.)  Continue reading

I wrote this on February 9th. I was up and out of this mood by the 11th. 


Photo courtesy of my brilliant husband Troy Lukkarila

I have been crawling out of a bad head episode for five days. For me, “bad head” is when my illness takes over to the point that suicide thoughts enter the picture. I use the term with my husband to let him know when it’s bad. If my mood is simply depressed or down, but no or only minor dark thoughts, we call it a funk. (By the way, it doesn’t escape me that bad head has a sexual connotation. But oh well, it’s the name we’ve chosen.)

Continue reading

I launched my blog over a week ago but had not publicized it until today. Even now I am full of doubt about whether I should be doing this, whether I should REALLY go public and let it all hang out with this blog. I’ve been getting tangled up in worry and fear about what my friends, colleagues, and family will think.

 It’s not that people don’t know I struggle with depression. Many people in my life know but very few know the whole story — what depression really means. The scariest part is letting them in on my secret, that suicide thoughts are still present in my life. I understand the concern, my friends and family love me and don’t want me to die.

Continue reading